


Ways of Knowing

by Lunx



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: DFAB reader, F/F, F/M, Reader Is Not Frisk, Reader-Insert, Soulmate AU, This is all in good fun, and expect their relationship to be healthy, and sans is um kinda depressed i'm not sure yet, i don't want to post before writing all the chapters because doing so has lead to disaster but, i know that i can't shmush together two depressed people, i know the sans/reader depression thing is overplayed but let me live my life, i love soulmate aus they give me hope and they're cool, if i end up putting smut in this shamelessly this story will be longer, this is probably going to be super short, what am i doing with this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 00:51:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8600662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunx/pseuds/Lunx
Summary: As soon as we touched my body felt hot, but not unpleasantly so. There was an addicting sensation of flying, floating, of comfort, of all my worries and anxiousness leaving me. I, for once in a very long time, felt at peace. I then realized that I was still holding on to the thin, bony hand and quickly let go as if burned, my face red. I took a deep breath and started into the wide eye-sockets before me filled with wonder, white pupils seemingly shining. The euphoria of the moment started to fade away as I steeled my face to form a strained smile. "Thank you for choosing CaFate, have a great day!"





	

_Falling…_

_Falling…_

_I was falling, and falling fast._

There was a time where I felt whole, felt happy. A time where I didn’t constantly doubt myself, doubt my every word. When the things that came out of mouth was sure and confident in meaning. There was a time when I had some semblance of control over my life; the direction I was heading. I would walk with my head high, with no worries, no significant doubts; I was simply me.

What had changed? Perhaps it was the changes of the body in my teen years, or the constant stream of reminders of how bad the world can be. I didn’t enjoy thinking about it too much.

All I could really think about was how much of a failure of a human I was.

I watched everyone from a distance, observing, watching how bright they seemed to shine. The smiles, the tears, the laughs that I saw; it all amounted to one overlying simple yet powerful word… _Determination._

There were places on the Earth where humans would fight pointlessly, would kill each other, would leave those they loved to slip into darkness where thought of return would remain futile. Where young souls would perish, where blood stained the previously innocent, where anxiety and fear was all that was felt.

Where people would die, deserving or not, _they would never return._

Why? Why do people kill that of their own species for territory, for a false sense of justice, _to win_?

Beautiful places of nature are shattered into small war-torn pieces. Animals are caught in pointless cross-fire. Dreams are crushed.

People discriminate against gender, race, they lie, cheat, steal, rape, murder, genetically alter animals for slaughter and consumption, beat each other, shun their own kind when they are in need, they play god thinking they are above consequences.

But despite all this, despite knowing that any may die any day due to any sick reason… people persevere, move forward, _smile_.

There are those who step up and lend a helping hand, those who fight for justice, who show kindness, who have patience, who have integrity, who step up to the challenge with bravery, who stay _determined._

Those who smile through their tears, who laugh in the face of despair, who stand.

Everyone is a hidden gem, waiting to be polished, waiting for a chance to discover their shine.

Though, I am afraid that my gem may had cracked, that it will remain dull.

Not that I am special, I just believe that there is no way to find that shine.

So I watch. I watch and observe everyone else with that hope, and that’s enough for me; I need nothing more.

* * *

Once upon a time people used to have two heads, two sets of arms and legs. They were complete, whole, together.

But one day, they became cocky, arrogant, they entertained the idea of overthrowing the gods; of becoming beings of the same stature. Zeus became worried about these thoughts that these beings were having.

So he split them in half.

He split the beings into two halves of wholes, rendering them weaker, forever yearning to find their other half and once again become one.

Or at least that was one story we had learned as children to explain the phenomenon of soulmates.

I didn’t even really believe in soulmates, when one supposedly found their other half they knew from the moment they touched. There was some sort of rush or spark, and bam! Instant soulpairing!

Well, I thought that was a load of shit. .

Apparently they were making scientific progress on the science of soulmates? I would laugh in the face of the ones leading that study. Good luck on that one.

Even if soulmates were real, there was a long history of people never meeting theirs. Perhaps, for example, their other half had died early, _or was under a fucking mountain._

Yes, there turned out to be a whole civilization under the mountain of Ebott. The overbearing mountain the casts its shadow upon the small town of which got its name from that very mountain. A town that I so happened to live in, and a mountain that always had seemed to attract my gaze whether it be out a window, when commuting from the place to place, or just when it is simply just in view. Though one day, there was a resounding shatter across the city I lived in, and then the population shot up.

Well, it was more complicated than that, but I would rather not go into detail; I didn’t even understand what happened all too well myself.

The point though, was that soulmate discovery rates had raised exponentially during the one, going on two, years after the barrier breakage. It would be incredibly awe inspiring if I believed that soulparings were legitimate. Hearing about the statistics almost made me want to believe in a fated significant other.

_Almost._

Though, the problem was that most people rejected the pairing; turning up their noses at the idea of bonding to a _Monster._ A creature unknown to humans, alien, though a species that apparently roaming alongside us as equals once upon a time. It had only been alluded to on the news, but there may have been a major war that had resulted in the entrapment of Monsters. Although, it didn’t seem too plausible that a whole race was forgotten about even if such an event had happened so long ago.

Ah yes, the people who came out from the Underground were of a different species, a different world. But were they so different? They lived, talked (or sometimes didn’t talk depending on the monster), and thought just like us; they were sentient and _alive._ These beings ranged from bi-pedal animals, to just straight-out more consciously aware animals, to objects that really should not be animate but are. The variety was astounding; amazing, quite frankly.

And I would have eaten every and any piece of information I could have gotten about the fascinating beings had I not been busy thinking about… _other things._

_You mean about yourself? It’s always about you._

_Stop thinking about yourself and your need to feel validated by others._

_Get a life, you piece of trash._

Anyways.

Many couldn’t refuse the bond-urge despite their refusal to complete the bond with their partner. “Fate” would always conveniently place the two in the same place at the right time, and over time they would grow to enjoy each other’s company. Due to this reason, there was far less discrimination against the newly re-discovered species than there could have been. Though, there was still far too much hate towards the Monster community. It didn’t really involve me, really, I would have loved to help but what could someone like me do? I would probably make things worse, honestly.

So I sat, and watched, _like the piece of shit that I am._

Didn’t people say that quiet observers of a crime are worse than the individuals actually doing the crime? I don’t disagree.

So, soulmates. Apparently there was a reason we called them that; the pull involved actual Souls. Real Souls, physical manifestations of our entire beings that could leave our bodies and… do things. Knowledge about souls was quite limited as the concept was extremely new to humans. Too bad Monsters had yet to make a something like a documentary or book or something to notify the general public about all there is to know about souls. Though it would be difficult to publicize something made by a Monster, wouldn’t it?

The existence of Souls should have been enough proof to make me believe in soulmates. Well, I’ve never said that I wasn’t stubborn.

It’s not like it mattered to me really, I probably didn’t have a soulmate anyways; I never was able to see myself as a unit of two rather than as a singular component. It wasn’t like I cared though, I didn’t have time for romance.

_Yeah, keep telling yourself that, what you really mean is that you don’t want to admit that you’ve always wanted to be loved. You want to be the center of someone’s attention, to have someone want you for once in your life. But guess what? No one will ever truly love you for you, you’re plain, unattractive, you don’t have any redeeming qualities hidden in your personality; you’re just a blank slate. But who cares about you? Why do you keep thinking about you? There are people out there who are starving, who are in pain but all you can think about is yourself. Fuck you._

I stared at my ceiling, numb. I lay on my couch, in my apartment fit for one. Why did I suddenly start thinking about soulmates? I had given up long ago on that stuff, my teenage-self had always hoped for an escape through a fated lover. I clearly had been a fool.

I was in my last year of university with no idea what I was doing with my life. My parents paid for most of my expenses, for my school fees. They insisted when I had told them they didn’t have to. _They’re such great people._ I didn’t deserve them.

At least I worked part time at a café which meant I could help pay for some things to lift a load off my parents and also get free food in the process, bless their “fresh everyday” policy. It meant that they got rid of the baked goods that had failed to get purchased. Ergo; free food.

Placing a cold hand over my eyes, I sighed. It was almost time for me to get off my lazy ass and get out into the world where there were people, and loud noises, and life-stuff to do.

_What if I just killed myself?_

…Just kidding.

So I lay, on my bed, my eyes closing. I slipped into unconsciousness, where I had some sort of peace of mind, where I didn’t have to live.

I dreamt of large smiles and warm food, of a me that was happier and surrounded by people and happiness.

_But that dream can never come to fruition because I am me and when have I really deserved happiness?_

 

**Author's Note:**

> i encourage that people talk to me, i'm all ears! or... um... i mean i only have two but i'll still listen.
> 
> Edit: okay, this is why i don't like to post stories before writing everything beforehand, it's been, what, three weeks? kill me now. i've been kinda busy in terms of school and shit but guess who's getting a break soon? that's right, me! isn't this 10/10? well, at least it is to me. i'll probably write this then, so wait a week more? sorry not sorry.   
> well i edited the first chapter and i'm much happier now as opposed to how it was before, i constantly thought about how disappointed i was in myself to write such bs. but now it's alright!   
> i also changed the title; shout out to my theory of knowledge class! at the same time, fuck that class. a specific way of knowing will play an integral role in this story, so stay tuned to find out ;)


End file.
